Things I’ve never heard:
I really wish I could find a room where more babies are crying.
Wild hogs are THE most beautiful animals.
I hope a root canal is in my future.
Divorce doesn’t suck.
I could go into how divorce is the break up of the family. Divorce wrecks God’s plan for people. Divorce hurts. Divorce wounds. Divorce is awful. Yeah, we know all that. Just as true as any of those statements is the fact that divorce HAPPENS…and once it happens there are consequences.
As leaders we have to face a few facts…and these facts are often not obvious to those whose parents are going through this particular relationship ripper.
Fact #1–Kids are not at fault but often think they are.
Fact #2–Security in relationships is out the window…at least for the short term and possibly for the long term.
Fact #3–Anger and guilt is common but often swallowed.
Fact #4–Recovery doesn’t take days, weeks, or months…it takes years.
Fact #5–Kids of divorce are drawn to consistency whether it is good or bad.
Fact #6– (Most important!) God loves divorced people AND children of divorced people.
So…now that I’ve dropped the reality bomb into our conversation, what do we do with it? We act. Purposefully. Compassionately. Consistently.
Ask direct questions and make direct statements:
WRONG: Have a great week!
RIGHT: Hey…can we spend a little time talking this week? I’ll buy the milkshakes!
WRONG: God’s still in control (right thought, wrong time to say it)
RIGHT: How are you holding up? (the key here is to get past pat answers and listen for the meaningful)
WRONG: Call if you need me! (Assume that they need you…because they do)
RIGHT: Call them…be intentional and let them know you’re checking on them.
WRONG: It will all work out.
RIGHT: It’s gonna get messy. Just be there throughout the mess.
Bottom Line: Your presence means more that your words. Be there…verbally, prayerfully, and physically. It’s a long road but showing up for them is a great place to start!